02 03 Stop Loving Everything: They Can't Be Serious 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

They Can't Be Serious

A few weeks ago I caught a Dragonforce video on headbangers' ball; what joy. Absurdly musical, like the theme music to a Power Rangers-esque show if done by Yngwie Malmstein. You know a metal band's retarded if everything's played so fast, and with minimal distortion, that it sounds computer generated. Like Viking dwarves on meth. Or they're Glenn Gould fans. Which isn't so far-fetched.

Finally, we've reached post-metal. Everything Dragonforce does is completely against the cool-rules: incessant double kick drums, 7-minute operatic pop songs with three or four finger tap solos per song, bass solos, chessey keyboards, and a singer ripping pages right from Bruce Dickinson's lyric book ("Storming the Burning Fields" or "Cry for Eternity") with a voice to match. They do to metal what the Smiths did to 60s British top forty.

Imagine a vastly more talented Darkness, or Satanicide (great website, btw) with a less obvious satirical side. They're Brits, so maybe Darkness pissed them off, made them think well wait, we can go even further ...

Their name and the recent album name, Inhuman Rampage, should clue anyone in. I wish I still owned a car - if I was driving someone somewhere, I'd slip this on the stereo and watch them go nuts.

I kinda hope they're not kidding. That would be even funnier.

Dragonforce - Revolution Deathsquad

Dragonforce - Through the Fire and Flames
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