02 03 Stop Loving Everything: Dogs Started Attacking my Saline Implants 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Dogs Started Attacking my Saline Implants

Enough of good taste.

Let's discuss the greatest 'tardcore record ever recorded, Sockeye's 1993 effort Retards Hiss Pass My Window.

Actually, it's the best record ever recorded in any genre.

It features my favorite protest song of all time:

Sockeye - Destroy Everything

And I must quote:

Destroy everything
a bunch of retards fucked your mom

and beat your dad to death

with a pillowcase full of squirrels


Sockeye were also smart enough to know a song like this:

Sockeye - Steve Albini Fucked Pac Man

needs no lyrics other than the title chorus and "neenahneenahnahnoo."

Plus, the album is sprinkled with short interviews with a foul-mouthed nursing home worker who gives TMI-type descriptions of geriatric sex in a thick midwestern accent.

The back cover features all four members, dressed as wizards, each photo stating their names: Failure; Complete Disappointment; Big Zero; and Waste of Flesh.

Sockeye - Sexual Retard

Thanks to the man who wrote the only detailed annotation of Sockeye's collected "works," I own a vinyl copy of Retards Hiss Pass My Window, and I'm guessing it's one of maybe 100, if that. I do have a cd collection or two of Sockeye's other singles, and there are many, but despite nuggets like "Tittyfuck a Coalminer" or "Scoop of Ice Cream With a Dick In It," this remains their Sgt. Pepper.

It's anyone's Sgt Pepper.

These two need little explaining:

Sockeye - The Boy with the Breast Implants

Sockeye - Your Muff Has Tusks

Each song renders Sufjan Stevens obsolete forever. They're that powerful.

Carry on.


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